I was going to start this post with "Hello, my name is Glynis, and I am a huge dork," but then I remembered my disdain for people who introduce themselves with caveats such as "I'm dumb" or "I'm stupid" or "I'm crazy" or "I'm weird" (UGH, people, stop saying you're "weird"). It's not that I get my hate on for self-depreciation, because it can be funny, but sometimes we take it too far and it just gets ridiculous. It's mostly women who do this. More than once I've been introduced to someone or just met them or am still getting to know them and they'll make one of these statements, "hello my name is ____, and I'm stupid," and I want to firmly grasp their shoulders, look sternly into their face, and say "WHAT THE HELL?" Because let's face it, introducing yourself with an insult is the worst.
If some of the first information I have about you is that you claim to be stupid, then chances are I will file that away under "Truths About So-and-So, Direct From the Horse's Mouth". What I'm saying is: I will think you are stupid, because you told me to think so, and it will take actual work on my part to override that. And if you've ever done this in the secret hope that someone will say, "oh my gosh! No! You're so great/smart/pretty/whatever!" then please re-evaluate your compliment-fishing stratagem. One day people are going to stop contradicting you and you are going to be standing there with the words "I'm stupid" that you just declared about yourself hanging in the air, and people are going to be sick of bolstering your ego/self-confidence and guess what? That's going to suck.
If you feel the need for a compliment or a kind word, then speak kindly about yourself. Ask for corroboration, not contradiction. Even better: if you wish to be complimented, then compliment the people around you! You know what's better than saying "I'm -insert negative thing here-"? Saying "hey, you are looking good today my friend, and that bit of info you added to our previous conversation was spot-on. It was great and you are great and I'm glad we're friends." Which do you think will add more joy to your life: disparaging comments about yourself, or uplifting comments about others? That question is rhetorical, obviously edifying other people goes way beyond putting yourself down.
If you know me, you know that I'm not always the best at this. Just yesterday some disparaging comments about myself popped out of my mouth and I regretted them immediately after. Not only did I add ammo to a negative self-image which I have been working to undermine, I also put my friends in a tricky position. I'm not saying that we can't acknowledge the negative aspects of our character, because ignoring all that means it's not getting worked on, but that we don't celebrate or emphasize them, and we don't insult ourselves. Let's make a pact, shall we? Just be kinder. Kinder to others, kinder to ourselves, etc. Let's stop disparaging ourselves.
WOW, okay.
So: I read Joe Navarro's What Every Body is Saying and it was excellent and I recommend it to everyone. I've been trying to decipher body language the past few days, and while it remains somewhat difficult, it is good to know what kinds of things to look for and what kinds of things my own body is telling the world. Also, Joe Navarro is adorable, check out this quote: "I give hugs freely because they transmit caring and affection so much more effectively than mere words. I feel sorry for those who are not huggers, they are missing so much in their lives." OMGosh.
The reason I was going to say something about being a dork is that I find body language studies fascinating. I watched Lie To Me for awhile and would try to figure out the tics and tells before the show revealed the solutions. I pored over the chapters Malcolm Gladwell wrote about facial tells. It all seemed strangely mysterious and like it would take eons to understand until I got my hands on this book and Mr Navarro made the whole thing simple and accessible. He splits body language into two simple categories, comfort and discomfort, and proceeds with interpretation from there. He also gave this gem of advice: if you saw some body language and you aren't sure what it means, try to recreate it in your own body and observe how you feel. So simple! So easy! I'm sure we've all read about those studies that say "hey, if you force yourself to smile/laugh, it'll make you feel way better, we promise" so it just makes sense that if I recreate a posture I'll understand a little better how the originator was feeling. Our bodies contribute to our minds! Wow.
There's a TED talk about power posing, you should look it up and watch it and then exclaim, "WOW, the human body is AMAZING." Because guess what? It totally is, and it sure ain't dorky to think so.
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